The Short Answer
Research consistently puts the average at roughly once a week, around 51 to 54 times a year for married couples, with clear variation by age: about twice a week in the late teens and twenties, falling steadily through the thirties and forties. A widely cited 2015 study found relationship satisfaction rose with frequency up to about once a week and did not improve beyond it, which suggests the average is a rough benchmark rather than a target.
Key Takeaways
The average is about once a week, or roughly 51 to 54 times a year.
Frequency drops predictably with age and length of relationship.
Satisfaction plateaus around once a week; more is not measurably better.
The gap between two partners matters far more than the absolute number.
The Numbers, Honestly Presented
Large surveys converge on a fairly consistent picture. Research published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found married couples reporting sex around 51 times a year, just under once a week. Broader samples put the general adult average at roughly 53 times a year. Cohabiting couples report slightly more than married couples, and dating couples slightly more again, even once you control for age.
Age is the strongest single predictor. Kinsey Institute figures give a rough shape: people in their late teens and twenties average around twice a week, those in their thirties closer to once and a half, and the number continues to decline steadily from there.
About twice a week
Roughly 110 times a year on average. Newer relationships, fewer competing commitments, and typically no children in the household.
About 1.5 times a week
Roughly 85 times a year. This is where careers, young children and chronic tiredness usually collide, and it is the steepest part of the decline.
About once a week
Roughly 70 times a year. Frequency continues to fall gradually, though reported satisfaction often does not fall with it.
Read these numbers carefully
All of this data is self-reported, which means it carries a known upward bias: people round up. Averages also hide enormous spread, so a couple at half the average and a couple at double it can both sit comfortably within the normal range. Treat these as a rough map, not a scoreboard.
The "Once a Week" Study, and What It Really Found
A 2015 study in Social Psychological and Personality Science is the source of the once-a-week figure that circulates everywhere. Its actual finding is more useful than the headline: relationship satisfaction rose as frequency increased up to about once a week, and then flattened. Couples having sex more often than weekly were not measurably happier than those having it weekly.
That result cuts both ways. It undermines the idea that more is always better, which is a relief for anyone feeling behind. It also confirms that frequency is not irrelevant, because satisfaction did fall away below that point.
The most important caveat is that this is a correlation. Being happy together makes sex more likely, at least as much as sex makes couples happy. Scheduling more sex into an unhappy relationship does not reliably produce a happy one.
The number that actually predicts trouble
Across the research, the strongest predictor of dissatisfaction is not low frequency. It is the size of the gap between what each partner wants. A couple who both comfortably want sex once a month are typically doing fine. A couple where one wants it twice a week and the other once a month are not, even if their average lands exactly on the national figure.
Why Frequency Falls, and When That Is Fine
The decline in a long relationship is so consistent that it is better understood as a normal transition than as a symptom. Early desire is largely spontaneous, driven by novelty and uncertainty. Established desire is mostly responsive: it shows up after connection and physical closeness rather than before them. Couples who do not know that often conclude something has died, when what has actually happened is that the mechanism changed.
Novelty fades, and that is chemistry, not character. The intensity of a new relationship is not a sustainable baseline for anyone.
Exhaustion is the most underrated factor. Small children, shift work and chronic sleep debt suppress desire more reliably than almost anything else.
Stress works against arousal directly. Sustained cortisol lowers libido in both men and women.
Medication and hormones matter. Hormonal contraception, antidepressants, blood pressure medication, pregnancy, breastfeeding and menopause all commonly affect desire.
Unresolved resentment shows up in bed first. Rarely as an argument about sex, usually as an absence of it.
A useful test: has anything changed apart from the frequency? If you still touch each other, still laugh, still feel wanted, a slower rhythm is probably just a season. If closeness has gone too, the frequency is a symptom and the connection is the thing to work on. Our guide to rebuilding intimacy in a long relationship deals with exactly that.
When One of You Wants It More
This is the version of the question that actually causes pain, and it is extremely common. The trap is that both people usually experience themselves as the one being wronged. The higher-desire partner feels rejected and undesirable. The lower-desire partner feels pressured and inadequate. Both then start avoiding the topic, and avoidance makes both feelings worse.
If you want it more often
Separate affection from initiation. If every touch is read as a proposition, your partner will start avoiding touch altogether, which costs you the closeness that would have made sex more likely in the first place.
Ask about the obstacle rather than the frequency: "what would need to be true for you to want this?" usually gets a far more useful answer than "why don't we ever?"
If you want it less often
A "no" lands much more softly when it comes with a "when". "Not tonight, but I would love to on Saturday" is a completely different message from a flat no, and it costs nothing.
Also consider whether the obstacle is desire itself or the conditions around it. Tiredness, resentment, pain or a medication side effect are all fixable in ways that willpower is not.
Scheduling intimacy sounds unromantic and works remarkably well, precisely because responsive desire needs an opportunity to respond to. You are not scheduling arousal; you are protecting an unhurried window in which it becomes possible. For the conversation itself, how to talk to your partner about sex gives you a structure, and how to initiate covers the part that goes wrong most often.
When to get outside help
If the gap has become a recurring source of conflict, or sex has stopped entirely and neither of you can raise it, a qualified sex therapist or relationship counsellor is a reasonable and unremarkable step. Persistent loss of desire can also have a medical cause worth investigating with a GP.
Further Reading
This article supports our full Intimacy & Tips guide, which covers the subject end to end. For anything about how we write and review this material, see about us or the FAQ.
For clinical and public-health information beyond the scope of an educational guide, these independent sources are worth reading:
A note on medical advice
How To Sex is an educational publisher, not a medical provider. Nothing here is a diagnosis or a treatment plan. Anything involving your own body, symptoms, medication or pregnancy should go to a qualified healthcare professional.
Frequently Asked Questions
How often do most couples have sex?
Large surveys put the average at roughly once a week, around 51 to 54 times a year for married couples. Cohabiting and dating couples report slightly more. The spread around that average is very wide, so a couple well above or well below it can both be entirely within the normal range.
How often should couples have sex?
There is no clinically recommended frequency. The International Society for Sexual Medicine takes the position that whatever both partners are happy with is the right amount. The research finding most worth knowing is that relationship satisfaction rises with frequency up to about once a week and then plateaus, so more is not automatically better.
Is it normal for sex to decrease in a long relationship?
Yes, and it is one of the most consistent findings in the field. Early desire is largely spontaneous and driven by novelty, while established desire is mostly responsive, arising after closeness rather than before it. A declining frequency alongside intact affection and communication is usually a normal transition rather than a warning sign.
What counts as a sexless relationship?
Researchers commonly use a threshold of fewer than ten times a year, though the label matters far less than whether both partners are content. A couple below that number who are both comfortable are not in difficulty, while a couple above it where one partner feels persistently rejected are.
What should we do if one of us wants sex more than the other?
Address the gap rather than the number. The higher-desire partner should separate affection from initiation so that ordinary touch does not start feeling like pressure, and the lower-desire partner can soften a refusal by attaching a specific alternative time. If it has become a recurring conflict, a sex therapist or relationship counsellor is a practical next step.
Does having more sex make couples happier?
Only up to a point. A 2015 study in Social Psychological and Personality Science found satisfaction increased with frequency up to about once a week and did not increase further beyond it. The relationship is also correlational, so happy couples having more sex is at least as plausible an explanation as more sex creating happier couples.
